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             BACKGROUND
  Up until 1940, computers were people. Dictionaries said a
``computer'' was ``a person who computes''. For example,
astronomers hired many computers, who computed the positions of
the stars. People who computed were called ``computers'';
machines that computed were called ``calculators''.
  After 1940, human computers were gradually replaced by gigantic
machines. At first, those machines were called ``gigantic
calculators''; but enthusiasts soon began calling them
``electronic computers''. Today the word ``computer'' means ``a
machine that computes''. This book explains how to buy and use
such machines.
  During the 1950's, people began to realize that electronic
computers can do more than compute. Today's computers spend only
a small fraction of their time doing numerical computations; they
spend most of their time thinking about words and ideas instead.
  Calling such wonderful machines ``computers'' is misleading.
They ought to be called ``thinkers'' instead. The French call
them ``ordinateurs'', which means ``organizers''; that more
accurately describes what the machines do than our old-fashioned
word ``computers''.
  If an alien ever visits our planet and examines how our
computers act, the alien will deduce:
A ``computer'' is ``a machine that thinks''.
  Suppose the alien comes from a strange colony of uptight
chatterboxes, called ``lawyers''. After analyzing more carefully
how we use the word ``computer'', the alien will make this
statement, which is long-winded, stuffy, and precise:
A ``computer'' is ``any machine that can seem to do useful
thinking''.
That's the definition I'll use in this book!
  Since today's computers spend most of their time dealing with
words and ideas, and spend very little time dealing with numbers,
you need to know just a little math to understand computers. If
you know that 5.2 is more than 5 and less than 6, you know more
than enough math to master this book and get hired as a computer
expert! Becoming a computer expert is easier than becoming an
auto mechanic, and you don't get greasy!
                                               Three computer sizes
                                         Computers come in three
sizes: big, small, and teeny-weeny. The big ones are called
maxicomputers (or mainframes); the small ones are called
minicomputers; and the teeny-weeny ones are called
microcomputers.
                                         Those terms are vague.
How big is big? How little is little? How teeny-weeny is
teeny-weeny? Opinions differ.
                                         It's like trying to
measure a person. If somebody calls you ``big'', it could mean
three things:
You're tall.
You're fat.
You're sexually well endowed.
The same is true for computers: ``big'' is whatever excites the
salesperson.
                                         Though vague, the term
``microcomputer'' is handy. Especially if you're male, you'll
find that saying ``I have a microcomputer'' is better than saying
``I have a teeny weeny.''
                                         If somebody invents a
totally new computer (resembling no older computers), and it
costs between $10,000 and $300,000, it's called a minicomputer.
Anything more expensive is a maxicomputer; anything cheaper is a
microcomputer.
                                         Maxicomputers can cost
up to $20,000,000. The most expensive maxicomputers (costing over
$10,000,000) are called supercomputers.
                                         Microcomputers can cost
down to $1. Yes, even you can afford some sort of microcomputer!
If you're lucky, you'll even get one as a birthday present from
your Mommy or Daddy or Hubby or Wifey.
                                         If somebody invents a
new computer resembling an older computer, the new computer is
called the same type as the older computer, regardless of price.
For example, if somebody invents a new computer that understands
exactly the same commands as a famous minicomputer, the new
computer is called a ``minicomputer'' also, even if it costs less
than $10,000 or more than $300,000. If it costs less than
$10,000, it's called a low-end minicomputer (and probably runs
rather slowly); if it costs more than $300,000, it's called a
high-end minicomputer or supermini (and probably runs
extra-fast).
                                         Usually, a maxicomputer
fills a room; a minicomputer fits in a corner; and a
microcomputer flops out on a desktop.
                                         Companies began selling
maxicomputers in the 1950's, minicomputers in the 1960's, and
microcomputers in the 1970's. Today you can buy all three sizes.

                                                   Maxicomputers
                                         The dominant
manufacturer of maxicomputers is IBM, which stands for
International Business Machines Corporation. Too often, it also
stands for ``Incredibly Boring Machines'', ``Inertia Breeds
Mediocrity'', ``International Big Mother'', ``Imperialism By
Marketing'', ``Intolerant of Beards & Moustaches'', ``Idolized By
Management'', ``Incompetents Become Managers'', ``It Baffles
Me'', ``It's a Big Mess'', and ``It's Better Manually''.
                                         Since IBM's first
popular computers were colored blue, IBM's been nicknamed ``Big
Blue''.
                                         Why is Big Blue the
dominant computer company? That puzzles many young programmers,
who ask, ``Mommy, why is
the sky Big Blue?''
  The first maxicomputers were invented in the 1940's and sold in
the 1950's. Most of today's maxicomputers are souped-up versions
of the IBM 360, which IBM announced in 1964. IBM called it the
``360'' because it could accomplish the ``full circle'' of
computer applications, instead of being restricted to just
science applications or just business applications. In 1970, IBM
invented a souped-up version (called the IBM 370) and then
further improvements. IBM's newest maxicomputers (the IBM 3090
and the IBM 4381) understand the same commands as the IBM 360 and
370, but obey the commands much faster and also understand some
extra commands.
  IBM's competitors IBM outsells all its competitors combined.
  During the 1960's, maxicomputers were made by eight companies,
called ``IBM and the Seven Dwarfs''. The dwarfs were Burroughs
(whose computers are called ``burritos''), Univac (a division of
Sperry Rand), NCR (which stood for National Cash Register),
Control Data Corporation (CDC), Honeywell (whose original factory
was next to a well), RCA (which stood for ``Radio Corporation of
America''), and General Electric.
  In 1970, General Electric sold its computer division to
Honeywell. In 1971, RCA's computer division shut down. That left
just five dwarfs, whose initials spelled the word BUNCH. Cynics
said that maxicomputers were made by ``IBM and the BUNCH''.
  IBM's top engineer (Gene Amdahl) and CDC's top engineer
(Seymour Cray) both quit and started their own computer
companies, called Amdahl and Cray.
  During the 1980's and 1990's, each company in the BUNCH
disintegrated: Burroughs merged with Univac (and Sperry Rand) to
form Unisys; NCR became part of AT&T; Control Data stopped
building computers; and Honeywell sold its computer division to a
French company, Bull.

            Minicomputers
  All the companies that make maxicomputers also make smaller
computers ___ minicomputers. For example, IBM's newest
minicomputer is the Advanced System 400 (AS/400). But the most
popular minicomputers are made by other companies, who are
minicomputer specialists.
  The most popular minicomputers are made by Digital Equipment
Corporation (DEC). Its first popular minicomputers were the PDP-8
and PDP-11.  DEC replaced them by the Vax (a souped-up PDP-11),
then by a further improvement, called the Alpha. The typical Vax
or Alpha costs more than $300,000 but is still called a
``minicomputer'' (or ``high-end mini'' or ``supermini''), because
it's based on the PDP-11, which was sold at minicomputer prices.
  DEC is in Massachusetts. Other popular minicomputer specialists
___ also in Massachusetts ___ have been Data General (DG), Prime
(jokes about which are called ``Prime ribs''), and Wang (founded
by Dr. An Wang, a Chinese immigrant who became the richest man in
Massachusetts: together with his wife and kids, his family was
worth a billion dollars, until his son took over the business and
wrecked it and An Wang died). Prime and Wang have stopped
building computers.
  The remaining three minicomputer specialists are Californian:
Sun (whose fortunes rose quickly but then set), HP (which stands
for Hewlett-Packard and ``high-priced''), and Silicon Graphics
Incorporated (SGI). Since computers from all three of those
California companies are used mainly
for producing graphics (beautiful artwork, Hollywood special
effects, ads, magazines, and ``artist renderings'' of creations
by architects & engineers), they're called graphics/engineering
workstations.

                                                  Microcomputers
                                         The most influential
microcomputers are made by IBM and Apple.
                                         Apple Apple's first
computer was called the Apple 1. Then came improved versions,
called the Apple 2, the 2+, the 2e, the 2c, the 2c+, and the 2GS.
Those improved versions are all called the Apple 2 family.
                                         They've become obsolete,
and Apple has stopped making them. Now Apple sells a much
fancier, totally different kind of microcomputer, called the
Macintosh (or Mac). Of all the microcomputers built today, the
Mac is the easiest to learn how to use.
                                         The Mac comes in many
versions. The most popular are the Performa, the Quadra, and the
Power Mac. Prices for good, complete Macs start at about $1300.
                                         IBM IBM's early
microcomputers (such as the IBM 5100 and the Datamaster 23) were
slow and overpriced.
                                         In 1981, IBM began
selling a faster microcomputer, called the IBM Personal Computer
(IBM PC). It became instantly popular because of its speed and
amazingly low price.
                                         Later, IBM developed a
slightly improved version, called the IBM PC eXTended (IBM PC
XT), and then a much faster version, called the IBM PC with
Advanced Technology (IBM PC AT).
                                         In 1987, IBM stopped
making all those microcomputers and instead began making a new
series of microcomputers, called the Personal System 2 (PS/2).
The PS/2 computers run the same programs as the IBM PC but
display prettier graphics and include ``slicker'' technology.
                                         Unfortunately, the PS/2
computers were overpriced. In 1990, IBM began selling PS/1
computers, which were similar to PS/2 computers but cost less. In
1992, IBM invented a new series called the Valuepoint, which
costs even less; it's a good deal, a good value, and that's the
whole point! In 1993, IBM began selling an even cheaper series,
called the Ambra.
                                         Instead of buying
microcomputers from IBM, you can buy imitations, called
compatibles or clones. Cynics call them clowns. They run the same
programs as IBM's microcomputers but cost even less.
                                         The most popular IBM
clones are manufactured by Compaq, Packard Bell, AST, Dell, and
Gateway. Of those five clone makers, Compaq charges the most,
Gateway charges the least, and the others charge in-between.
                                         IBM, Compaq, Packard
Bell, and AST sell mainly through stores. Gateway's computers are
sold just by mail-order ___ and so is IBM's cheapest series, the
Ambra. Dell began as a mail-order company, then experimented by
selling through stores also, but now sells just by mail again.
                                         You can buy IBM, Compaq,
and Packard Bell computers at discount stores such as Staples,
Office Max, Price/Costco, Sam's Club, Fretter, Circuit City,
Computer City, Comp USA, Micro Center, Fry's Electronics, and J&R
Computer World.
                                         Another chain of stores
selling computers is Radio Shack, which is owned by Tandy. Tandy
used to build its own computers, but in 1993 it sold its computer
factories to AST. So if you buy a new Tandy computer, it's really
manufactured by AST. Tandy's computers are usually overpriced.
  Apple, IBM, Compaq, Packard Bell, AST, Dell, and Gateway are
big manufacturers. To pay less, buy from smaller manufacturers
instead, who advertise in magazines such as PC Magazine and
Computer Shopper. Of all the clone makers that are nationally
known, the ones giving the lowest prices while maintaining high
quality are Quantex (at 800-760-9001) and VTech (at
800-BUG-EXPO).
  Wild ducks Instead of buying from the leaders (Apple and IBM)
and their followers (who build clones), you can buy from wild
duck companies who dare to be different, freed from the Apple-IBM
mentality.
  The most popular wild duck company is Commodore. It became
famous for making cheap computers such as the Pet, Vic, Commodore
64, and Commodore 128 computers. Then Commodore switched to
making a fancier computer called the Amiga, which can display
mind-blowing color graphics on your screen and videotape. In
1994, Commodore filed for bankruptcy, so Commodore's future is
murky.
  Like Commodore, Atari made a cheap computer (the Atari XE) and
then a fancier computer for color graphics and music (the Atari
ST). Atari's computers used to be popular in America but have
become rare. You can still find them in some American music
stores and European computer stores.
  Though Tandy sells mainly IBM clones, Tandy occasionally sells
cheaper computers that are older and weirder, such as the Radio
Shack Color Computer.
  Who uses what? The typical business uses an IBM PC (or an XT,
AT, PS/2, PS/1, Valuepoint, Ambra, or clone). So does the typical
college and high school. Some businesses and colleges are trying
Macs. The typical elementary school still uses Apple 2 family
computers, because they cost less and offer a greater variety of
kid-oriented programs. Wild duck computers, which are fun and
cost little, appeal mainly to hobbyists seeking cheap thrills.
Video artists (who create cartoons and other graphics for TV)
prefer the Mac or Amiga. Musicians prefer the Mac, Amiga, or
Atari ST.
  Of all the general-purpose computers sold today in the USA,
about 12% are Macs (built by Apple), 12% are personal computers
built by IBM, 12% are clones by Compaq, 8% are clones by Packard
Bell, 8% are clones by AST, 8% are clones by Dell, 6% are clones
by Gateway, 20% are clones built by other manufacturers, and the
remaining 2% are weirder (Commodore Amiga, Atari ST, Radio Shack
Color Computer, other wild duck computers, minicomputers, and
maxicomputers). Since percentages bob up and down by 2% each
month, I've rounded all those percentages to the nearest 2%.
  Although few people buy maxicomputers, IBM makes more profit
from selling maxicomputers than microcomputers ___ since the
typical maxicomputer sells for about a million dollars. And since
the typical maxicomputer is shared by hundreds of people,
maxicomputers affect many lives!
  Although hardly anybody buys wild duck computers anymore, many
Americans still own the millions of wild duck computers that were
sold during the early 1980's, before IBM PC clones became so
popular and cheap.
  Those wild duck computers ___ abandoned by their owners,
imprisoned forever in the darkness of American closets, and
unable to re-emerge into the mainstream of American life ___ are
the forgotten hostages of IBM clone wars.
                                                    Prices drop
                                         On the average, computer
prices drop 3% per month. That price decline's been in effect
ever since the 1940's, and there's no sign of it stopping.
                                         Suppose for a particular
computer item the average price charged by dealers is $100. Next
month, that item's average price will probably drop 3%, to $97.
After two months, its average price will have dropped about 3%
again, so its price will be 97% of $97, which is $94.09.
                                         Here's how the math
works out:
On the average, computer prices drop about 3% per month,
30% per year,
50% every two years,
90% every six years,
99% every twelve years.
                                         Therefore:
If a computer item's average price is $100 today,
it will probably be $97 next month,
$70 a year from now,
$50 two years from now,
$10 six years from now,
$1 twelve years from now.
                                         The typical computer
system costs about $2000 now. Here's what the math looks like for
a $2000 system:
If a computer system costs you $2000 today,
that system will probably cost you $1940 if you buy it a month
from now,
$1400 if you buy a year from now,
$1000 if you buy two years from now,
$200 if you buy six years from now,
$20 if you buy twelve years from now.
                                         Does that mean computer
stores will be selling lots of computers for $20 twelve years
from now? No! Instead, computer stores will still be selling
computers for about $2000, but those $2000 systems-of-the-future
will be much fancier than the systems sold today. By comparison,
today's systems will look primitive ___ much too primitive to run
the programs-of-the-future ___ so they'll be sold off as old,
quaint, primitive junk in flea markets and garage sales.
                                         Find that hard to
believe? To become a believer in rapidly dropping prices, just
try this experiment: walk into a flea market or garage sale
today, and you'll see computer systems selling for $20 that sold
for $2000 twelve years ago!
                                         So the longer you wait
to buy a computer, the less you'll pay. But the longer you wait,
the longer you'll be deprived of having a computer, and the
further behind you'll be in computerizing your life and turning
yourself into a computer expert.
                                         Don't wait. Begin your
new computerized life now!
                                         To computerize your home
or small office, you'll probably buy a microcomputer, because
it's all you can afford! To computerize a bigger company, buy a
maxicomputer, or a few minicomputers, or lots of microcomputers.
                                         This book emphasizes
microcomputers, for four reasons:
Over 99.9% of all computers sold are microcomputers.

Unless you're rich, a microcomputer is all you can afford.

Even if your business can afford a bigger computer, you'll
typically get better service ___ and also save money ___ by
wiring lots of microcomputers together instead.

Since microcomputers were invented more recently than bigger
computers, microcomputers are based on fresh, new ideas that make
them more responsive to the needs of modern society.
                                         Although I'll emphasize
microcomputers, I'll explain bigger computers also, since some
big businesses require them.
        Eight computer styles
  Computers come in eight popular styles: hidden, pocket,
notebook, laptop, TV, desktop, luggable, and floor.
  Hidden computers A hidden computer hides inside another device.
  For example, a computer hides inside your digital watch.
Another computer hides inside your pocket calculator. Another
computer hides inside your video-game machine.
  Since such a computer spends its entire life dedicated to
performing just one task (such as ``telling the time''), it's
also called a dedicated computer. Most such computers cost under
$10.
  Pocket computers A pocket computer fits in your pocket. The
typical pocket computer looks like a pocket calculator but
includes keys you can press for typing all the letters of the
alphabet, so you can store names and addresses and communicate
with the computer by using English words. Since it fits in the
palm of your hand, it's also called a hand-held computer or
palmtop computer.
  The typical pocket computer comes with programs that help you
jot notes, store phone numbers, and keep track of dates & times &
to-do lists. That kind of pocket computer is called a personal
digital assistant (PDA).
  The fanciest pocket computer is the Newton, developed by a
research team from Apple and Sharp. It comes with many nifty
programs that make it a PDA. Instead of including a keyboard, it
includes a tablet you write on with a pen; the computer tries to
read your scribbled handwriting ___ but often makes mistakes!
  Other pocket computers, which are more traditional and use a
keyboard, are made by Sharp, Casio, Hewlett-Packard, Poquet,
Atari, and Radio Shack. Most cost between $70 and $600. You can
buy most of them from discount dealers such as S&W Computers &
Electronics in New York (phone [phone] or 212-463-8330).
  Notebook computers To let a pocket computer fit in your pocket,
the keys on its keyboard are very tiny and therefore hard to
press (unless you have tiny fingers). Most adults that have big
fingers prefer a notebook computer instead. It looks like a
pocket computer but has bigger keys and a bigger screen. It's
about the size of a student's 3-ring notebook holding a ream of
paper.
  The typical notebook computer is about 11 inches wide, 8½
inches from front to back, and 1½ inches thick. It weighs about 6
pounds.
  Notebook computers that weigh under 4 pounds are called
subnotebooks.
  The first notebook computer was the Tandy 100, built for Tandy
by a Japanese company (Kyocera) in 1983. It was 12"x8½"x2" and
weighed just 4 pounds. Then Tandy invented the Tandy 102, which
was thinner (1½") and weighed just 3 pounds. Neither of those
computers was IBM-compatible. Tandy's stopped making them.
  The most famous notebook computers are made by Apple, IBM,
Compaq, and Toshiba. Companies such as VTech and Midwest Micro
sell notebook computers that are better deals: they include more
equipment per dollar. Most notebook computers cost between $1000
and $2000.
                                         Laptop computers A
laptop computer resembles a notebook computer but weighs slightly
more. It weighs between 8 pounds and 16 pounds, including the
battery. Though it's too heavy to be considered a notebook, it's
still light enough to fit comfortably in your lap.
                                         The typical laptop
computer weighs about 14 pounds. Laptop computers were popular
during the 1980's. But in the 1990's, most manufacturers have
redesigned their laptop computers so they weigh little enough to
be called ``notebook computers'' instead. Hardly anybody builds
laptop computers anymore, but many folks still use old laptops
from the 1980's.
                                         TV computers A TV
computer looks like a notebook or laptop computer but lacks a
screen. Instead of including a screen, the computer attaches to
your home's TV, so that whatever you type on the keyboard appears
on TV! It turns you into a TV star! The TV screen shows
everything you typed and the computer's replies.
                                         During the 1980's, the
most popular TV computers were the Commodore 64, the Apple 2
family, and the Radio Shack Color Computer. They're not built
anymore, since modern desktop computers are better.
                                         Desktop computers
Unfortunately, the picture on a TV screen is fuzzy. To get a
sharper picture from a computer, replace the TV by a computer
monitor, which is a modified TV specially designed for attaching
to a computer.
                                         The typical computer
monitor's screen is 12-inch or 14-inch (measured diagonally). A
computer system that includes such a monitor is called a desktop
computer system, because it's the ideal system to put on your
desk.
                                         The typical desktop
computer system consists of three objects: the keyboard, the
screen, and the system unit (which contains the main circuitry).
Wires run from the keyboard and screen to the system unit.
                                         The most popular IBM
clones are all desktop computers.
                                         The Apple 2e, Apple 2c+,
and Commodore 64 are basically TV computers, since they attach to
TV's and their circuitry is small enough to hide inside the
keyboard. But most folks who buy those computers attach monitors
instead of TV's, to form desktop systems.
                                         Luggable computers
Notice that most notebook and laptop computers are easy to carry
but have poor screens, whereas desktop computers have excellent
screens but are hard to carry. For a compromise, get a luggable
computer: it resembles a desktop computer but is slightly
smaller, so you can carry it more easily.
                                         Its little 9-inch screen
displays the same info as a desktop computer's 12-inch screen but
in miniature. To read the 9-inch screen without squinting, you
must sit close! That screen's built into the system unit so you
don't have to carry it separately. The system unit has a handle
so you can carry the whole computer in one hand. The keyboard
snaps onto the system unit, so when you pick up the system unit
you're also picking up the keyboard.
                                         To stay small and easy
to carry, the system unit contains hardly any slots for inserting
extra circuitry. (If you want more slots, you must buy a desktop
computer instead.)
                                         Altogether, the system
unit (including the built-in screen and snapped-on keyboard)
weighs about 20 pounds ___ which is light enough to lug. It's
about the same size as a portable sewing machine or a bulging
briefcase. It's also the size of a lunchbox big enough to hold
the food for a family picnic. Such a computer's called a lunchbox
or luggable or somewhat portable or transportable or compact.
  Pocket computers, subnotebook computers, notebook computers,
laptop computers, and luggable computers are all examples of
portable computers. Let's compare them. . . .
Pocket computersweigh under 2 pounds.
Subnotebook computersweigh between 2 and 4 pounds.
Notebook computersweigh between 4 and 8 pounds.
Laptop computersweigh between 8 and 16 pounds.
Luggable computersweigh between 16 and 32 pounds.
Desktop computersweigh over 32 pounds.
  The first IBM-compatible luggable was the Compaq Portable. The
first Mac that Apple invented was basically a luggable, since it
had a 9-inch built-in screen and a handle; but since it lacked
snaps to attach the keyboard, you had to carry the keyboard
separately or buy a cloth bag holding both the keyboard and the
system unit.
  Luggables aren't built anymore. Modern Compaqs and Macs are
desktops, notebooks, or subnotebooks instead.
  Floor computers If a computer's too big to fit on your desktop,
it stands on the floor. It's called a floor computer (or floortop
or floor-standing or freestanding).
  If the computer's short enough, you can hide it under your
desk. Otherwise, you must give the computer its own corner of the
room, or perhaps the whole room!
  Most maxicomputers and minicomputers are floor computers; so
are the fanciest microcomputers.
  If the computer's height is greater than its width, the
computer's called vertical or vertically mounted or a tower. If
the computer is much taller than wide, it's called a full tower;
if the computer's just slightly taller than wide, it's called a
mini tower.

        Inside your computer
  A computer includes three main parts. The part that thinks is
called the processor (because it processes information). The part
that remembers the computer's thoughts is called the memory. The
part that communicates those thoughts is called the in/out
system, because it passes information into and out of the
computer.
  When you buy a computer, make sure the price includes all three
parts!
  Each part is important. A computer without memory is as useless
as a person who says ``I had a great idea, but I can't remember
it.'' A computer without an in/out system is as useless as a
person who says, ``I had a great idea, but I won't tell you.''
  Processor The part that thinks ___ the processor ___ is also
called the central processing unit (which is abbreviated as CPU).
  During the 1940's and 1950's, the CPU was the biggest and most
expensive part of the computer. But each year, manufacturers
discover new ways to make the CPU smaller and cheaper. Today, the
CPU is the smallest and cheapest part of the computer.
  In a microcomputer, the CPU is just a tiny square metal chip,
about a quarter of an inch on each side and a hundredth of an
inch thick. It typically costs under $10. That kind of processor
___ small enough to fit on a single chip ___ is called a
microprocessor.
  Memory The three most popular kinds of memory are ROM chips,
RAM chips, and disks.
  The ROM chips remember information permanently. Even if you
turn off the computer's power, the ROM chips continue to remember
what they've been told.
                                         The RAM chips remember
information temporarily. They're electronic scratchpads that the
CPU uses to store temporary memos. They get erased when you
switch to a different computer problem or turn the computer off.
                                         The disks work more
slowly than ROM chips and RAM chips but can store larger
quantities of information. Like ROM chips, disks can remember
information permanently: unplugging the computer does not erase
the disks. Each disk is round, but the typical disk is
permanently sealed in a square casing, so that what you see is a
square. The typical disk lets you edit the information on it. To
use a disk, you must put it into a disk drive, which reads what's
on the disk.
                                         When buying a computer,
make sure the price includes all three kinds of memory: ROM
chips, RAM chips, and disks (with disk drives).
                                         I/O The computer part
that communicates ___ the in/out system ___ is also called the
input/output system (or I/O system). It consists of many I/O
devices.
                                         The five most popular
I/O devices to buy are a keyboard, screen, printer, speaker, and
mouse.
                                         The keyboard resembles a
typewriter's. Put your fingers on the keys, and type commands to
the computer!
                                         The screen is an
ordinary TV or resembles a TV. The screen shows what you typed on
the keyboard and also shows the computer's responses. The most
popular kind of screen is called a monitor, which resembles a TV
but has no dial to select channels: the only channel you get is
``computer''.
                                         The printer resembles a
typewriter but has no keyboard. It prints the computer's answers
on paper.
                                         The speaker beeps at you
when you type a wrong command. It can also play music and produce
crude speech.
                                         The mouse is a box as
big as a pack of cigarettes. To feed a picture to the computer,
you draw the picture on the computer's screen by sliding the
mouse across your desk. For example, you can draw a circle on the
screen by sliding the mouse in a circular motion.
                                         Two of those devices ___
the keyboard and mouse ___ let you put information into the
computer. They're called the input devices. The other three
devices ___ the screen, printer, and speaker ___ let the computer
spit out the answers and are called the output devices.
                                         For extra fun, buy an
extra I/O device, called a modem (pronounced ``mode em''), which
lets your computer tap into the phone system so your computer can
chat with other computers around the world.
                                         When you buy a computer,
check whether the price includes all six of those I/O devices! If
you get all six and they work well, you can join the many excited
computerists who sing every day, ``I/O, I/O, now off to work I
go!''
                                         Putting it all together
Besides those three main parts ___ the CPU, memory, and I/O ___
you also need cables (to connect the parts together) and a power
supply (to get electricity to the parts).
                                         If your computer is
small enough to run on batteries, the ``power supply'' consists
of the batteries. If your computer is bigger and gets electricity
by plugging into your office's wall, the ``power supply'' is a
box called an AC/DC transformer: it converts the alternating
current (coming from your office's wall) to the direct current
that your computer requires.
                                         When you look at the
most popular kind of computer, you see a metal or plastic box
called the system unit, in which hide the CPU, speaker, power
supply, and memory.
                                         The mouse is not inside
the system unit; the mouse sits separately on your desk, and a
cable runs from the mouse to
the system unit. The other I/O devices (keyboard, screen, and
printer) typically sit separately (like the mouse), but some
manufacturers build them into the system unit instead.
  Choose a safe environment During the summer, protect the
computer's parts from overheating. Keep the computer cool! Turn
it off when the room temperature rises over 93° ___ unless you
buy a fan that creates a strong breeze, or you turn the computer
off within 90 minutes to let it cool down. Pull down the window
shade closest to the computer, to prevent sunlight from beating
directly onto the computer.
  During the winter, turn the computer off when the room
temperature is below 50°. If the computer sat overnight in a
cold, unheated car or office, don't use the computer until it
warms up and any dewdrops in it evaporate.
  Make sure your computer gets enough electricity. Check which
outlets in your house or office attach to which fuses, to make
sure the computer's not on the same circuit as an electric
heater, refrigerator, air conditioner, or other major appliance
that consumes enough electricity to dim the lights.
  The three wares Computer equipment is called hardware because
it's built from wires, screws, and other parts you can buy in
hardware & electronics stores. Hardware includes the CPU, memory,
I/O, cables, and power supply.
  The information that the computer deals with is called
software, because you can't feel it: it flows through the
computer's circuits as coded pulses of electricity. The computer
can handle two kinds of software: data (lists of names,
addresses, numbers, words, and facts) and programs (lists of
instructions that tell the computer what to do).
  To feed the computer some software (data and programs), you can
type the software on the keyboard, or insert ROM chips or disks
containing the software, or let the computer receive the software
from another computer (by running wires between the computers or
letting the computers chat with each other by phone).
  If you feed the computer wrong software ___ wrong facts or
wrong instructions ___ the computer will print wrong answers.
Wrong stuff is called garbage. If you feed the computer some
garbage, the computer spits out garbage answers.
  So if a computer prints wrong answers, the computer might not
be broken; it might just have been fed wrong data or programs. If
you think the computer's broken and tell a technician to fix it,
the technician might reply, ``Hey, the computer's fine! Don't
blame the computer! It's your fault for feeding it garbage! If
you put garbage in, you get garbage out!'' That's called the
principle of garbage in, garbage out (which is abbreviated GIGO,
pronounced ``guy go''). The technician will say, ``it's just a
case of GIGO''.
  The person sitting at the computer is called the liveware,
operator, user, or meathead ___ because the person's head is made
of meat instead of wires. The term meathead was first shouted
publicly by that TV character from New York: Archie Bunker. The
term liveware was invented in 1982 by Garry Trudeau, creator of
the Doonesbury cartoons.
  For a complete computer system, you need all three wares: the
hardware (equipment), software (information), and liveware
(people).
  Beware of those three wares! You can spend lots of money on
buying hardware (and repairing it), buying software (and
improving it), and hiring people to help you (and training them).
Make sure you've budgeted for all three wares!
  Congratulations! Now you know the three ways that buying a
computer can suck up your money. Yes, buying a computer can
really suck.
                                                    Subculture
                                         Computers are like
drugs: you begin by spending just a little money on them, but
then you get so excited by the experience ___ and so hooked ___
that you wind up spending more and more money to feed your habit.
                                         Your first computer
experience seems innocent enough: you spend just a little money
for a cute little computer that has a color screen. You turn the
computer on, tell it to play a game, and suddenly the screen
shows dazzling superhuman colors that swirl hypnotically before
you. You say ``Wow, look at all those colors!'' and feel a
supernatural high.
                                         But after two months of
freaking out with your new computer, the high wears off and you
wonder, ``What can I buy that's new, exciting, and gives me an
even bigger high?'' So you buy more stuff to attach to your
computer. Now you're in really deep, financially and spiritually.
You're hooked. You've become addicted to computers. Each month
you return to your favorite computer store, to search for an even
bigger high ___ and spend more money.
                                         Look at me. I'm a
typical computer junkie. I've already bought 40 computers, and
I'm still going. Somebody help me! My computers have taken over
my home. Whenever I try to go to sleep, I see those computers
staring at me, their lights winking, tempting me to spend a few
more hours in naughty fun, even if the sun's already beginning to
rise.
                                         Drug addicts quickly
catch on to computer jargon, because the lingo of today's
computerized techno-streets is the same as that of the druggie's
needle. For example, to buy a computer, you go to a dealer; and
when you finally start using your computer, you're called a user.
                                         As you get in deeper,
searching for ever greater highs, you squander even more money on
computer equipment, called hardware. You stay up late (playing
computer games or removing errors from your programs) so that the
next morning you come into work all bleary-eyed. Your boss soon
suspects your computer habit, realizes you're not giving full
attention to your job, and fires you.
                                         Since you're jobless and
your computer bills are mounting higher and higher, you soon run
out of money to spend on computers ___ but you still have that
urge to spend more! To support your habit, you write programs and
try to sell them to your friends. That makes you a pusher. You
turn your friends into addicts too, and you all join the
ever-increasing subculture of computer junkies.
                                         The only difference
between computers and drugs is that if you're into drugs people
call you a ``washout'', whereas if you're into computers people
say you have a ``wonderful career''. And they're right!
                                         As a computer pusher,
you can make lots of dough. But to be a successful pusher, you
must do it in style: instead of calling yourself a ``pusher'',
call yourself a computer consultant. Yes, a computer consultant
is a person who gives computer advice to other people ___ and
pushes them into buying more computers!
                                         A computer consultant
who gives free computer help to kids is kind-hearted but also a
wolf in sheep's clothing. The truth is revealed in these lines of
Tom Lehrer's song, ``The Old Dope Peddler'':
He gives the kids free samples
Because he knows full well
That today's young innocent faces
Will be tomorrow's clientele.

  My marriage I'm married to a computer. Marrying a computer is
much groovier than marrying a person. For one thing, computers
are good at ``getting it on'': they make you feel all electric
and tingly. And computers never argue: they're always ready to
``do it'' (except when they ``have a headache'').
  I wanted to call this book ``The Sexual Guide to Computers''
and put a photo of my wife and me on the cover; but some parts of
the country still prohibit mixed marriages. That cover would be
banned in Boston, which (alas!) is where I live. So I had to play
cool and say ``Secret'' Guide to Computers. But here's the real
secret: this book's about sex.
  Your marriage The computer will fascinate you. It'll seduce you
to spend more and more time with it. You'll fall in love with it.
  You'll even start buying it presents. You'll buy it exotic
foods ___ expensive programs to munch on. You'll buy it new
clothes ___ dress it in a pretty little cloth cover, to keep the
dust off. You'll adorn it with expensive jewels ___ a printer and
an extra disk drive.
  Then the computer will demand you give it more. While you're
enjoying an exciting orgy with your computer and think it's the
best thing that ever happened to you, suddenly the computer will
demand you buy it more memory. It'll refuse to continue the orgy
until you agree to its demand. And you'll agree ___ eagerly!
  The computer's a demanding lover. You'll feel married to it. If
you're already married to a human, your human spouse will feel
jealous of the computer. Your marriage to that human can
deteriorate and end in divorce.
  Several women got divorced because they took my computer
course. Their husbands had two complaints:
``You spend most of your time with the computer instead of with
me. When you do spend time with me, all you want to talk about is
the computer.''
  To prevent such a marital problem, coax your spouse to play a
video game on the computer. Your spouse will get hooked on the
game, become as addicted to the computer as you, enjoy blabbing
about the computer with you, and even help you spend money on
your habit. Sociologists call that technological progress.

         Why buy a computer?
  The average American has three goals: to make money, have fun,
and ``become a better person''. Making money is called business;
having fun is called pleasure; and becoming a better person is
called personal development. The computer will help you meet all
three goals: it'll improve your business, increase your pleasure,
and help you grow into a better person.
  The average computer buyer is a male who comes out at noon.
During lunch hour, he walks into a computer store and says he
wants to computerize his business. He wants a computer to do his
accounting and also handle his mailing list. The computer store's
salesperson talks him into also wanting a word-processing
program, to help handle business correspondence.
  After visiting one or two other computer stores, he buys a
computer. Though the computer costs a lot, the salesperson
reminds him that Uncle Sam gives a tax break for buying it since
it's a ``business expense''.
  He brings it home but starts feeling guilty about having spent
so much. How will he convince his wife that the purchase was
wise?
  Suppose his wife's an old-fashioned mom who cooks. He tries to
convince her that the computer will help her cook. . . .
                                         ``It will help you store
your recipes, darling,'' he coos.
                                         ``No thanks,'' she
replies. ``When I find a recipe in the newspaper, I don't want to
spend 15 minutes typing the entire recipe into the computer. I'd
rather just clip the recipe out of the newspaper and ___ presto!
___ tape it to a file card. My manual system is faster than a
computerized one!''
                                         He tries again. ``You
could use the computer to store your phone numbers. When you want
to look up a phone number, the computer will tell you
instantly.''
                                         She retorts, ``No
thanks. To make a phone call, I don't want to have to turn on the
computer, request the `telephone' program, wait for the computer
to ask whose number I'm interested in, sit at the keyboard and
type in the jerk's entire name, then wait for the computer to
respond. Instead of doing all that, it's quicker to just open my
little black phone book, flip to the page where the number is,
and dial my friend. Try again, lover-boy!''
                                         ``Well, darling, you
could use the computer to remind you of birthdays and
appointments.''
                                         ``You must be crazy! I
remember them quite well without a computer. I scribble a note on
my calendar, which serves fine and costs just $5 instead of
$1000. I understand how a disorganized bird-brain, like you,
might need a computer to survive; but since I'm better organized,
I don't need to rely on mechanical help.''
                                         Though admitting the
computer does not fulfill any real need in the home, he lusts to
buy a computer anyway ___ for the thrill of it ___ and looks for
an excuse to justify the cost. The computer's a solution looking
for a problem.
                                         Women buy computers too.
Apple ran a TV ad showing Dick Cavett in a kitchen, as he
interviews a woman who bought a computer. ``You're using it to
store your recipes?'' he asks. ``No!'' she retorts, ``I'm using
it to chart stocks!''
                                         If you buy a computer,
the idea of ``using the computer to run your business'' and
``using the computer to store recipes'' are just excuses. Here
are the REAL reasons why people buy computers. . . .
Teenager: ``Computers are a blast: sci-fi come true! Programming
computers is the next best thing to becoming an astronaut!''

Parent: ``Computers are taking over! My kids will have to master
them to survive. If I buy my kids a computer, they'll explore it
(instead of sex & drugs), get curious about how it's programmed,
become programmers, get straight A's in school, become computer
consultants, make lots of dough, and share their wealth with me,
so I can brag about them to my neighbors.''

Grandparent: ``I want to be part of the 20th century. The whole
world's becoming computerized, and I don't want my grandkids to
think I'm `out of it.' I want to share in this new excitement.''

Kindergartner: ``Grandma, please buy me a computer for my
birthday! I really want one! And if you don't buy it, they say
I'll never go to Harvard.''

Social climber: ``Damn! Now that big cars are passé, the
computer's the only status symbol left. I'm sick of being
intimidated by neighbors and bosses spouting computer jargon. I'm
gonna learn that mumbo-jumbo myself so I can get back at those
pompous asses and intimidate THEM!''

Worried worker: ``My company is computerizing. If I don't master
computers, they might master ME and take away my job! If I learn
enough about them, I can keep my job, get a promotion, then quit
and become a rich computer consultant!''

Adventurer: ``The computer's a challenge. If I can master it, I
know I'm not as stupid as people say!''

Middle-aged: ``My life's become boring. I need an exciting new
hobby ___ a computer! It's fun, could help my business, and even
help me start a new business on the side. And I can keep fiddling
with that cute toy even after my company retires me.''

Doctor: ``Playing with the computer's anatomy is like playing
God. Besides, with a computer I could get my patients to pay
their bills!''

English teacher: ``My students get so hooked on computer games!
I'm gonna find out why, then use computers to channel the kids'
excitement toward a higher good: poetry!''

Wanting what's due: ``I've worked hard all my life; I DESERVE a
computer! I'm gonna get my hands on that mean machine, force it
to obey all my commands, and make it my personal slave.''

Subversive: ``If Big Brother has Big Blue watching me, then by
gosh I'll turn my computer into Big Mama and scramble their
waves!''
                                         Will your computer
fulfill all those dreams? This Guide will help you find out!
               Hassles
  When you buy a new computer for your business, you'll have lots
of hassles.
  Repairs Since a complete computer system includes so many parts
(CPU, RAM, keyboard, disk drives, printer, software, etc.), at
least one of them won't work properly, and you'll need to fix it.
Since the manufacturer or store will provide free repairs during
the first year, you'll lose nothing but your temper.
  Manuals You won't completely understand the manuals for your
hardware and software, so you'll ask your friends and me for
help. You can also try getting help from the manufacturers and
dealers; but if your question's long-winded, their answers will
be curt.
  If the dealer who sold you the computer is honest, he'll say,
``I don't know how to run all the hardware and software I sold
you. To learn how, read the manuals. No, I haven't read them
myself, because they're too long-winded, complicated, and vague.
If you don't like the manuals, take our courses, which are
expensive and won't teach you as much as you need but at least
will make you feel you're making some progress.''
  Most dealers are not that candid.
  Programs If you try writing your own programs, you'll discover
Murphy's law: no matter how long you think a program will take to
write, it will take you longer. If you're wiser and try to buy a
finished program from somebody else, you'll find the program
works worse than advertised, its manual is missing or
unintelligible, and you'll need to modify the program to meet
your personal needs.
  Data entry If you figure out how to use the program, your next
torture is to type the data you want the program to process. The
typing is sheer drudgery, but you must do it.
  Worthwhile? Those headaches are just the beginning of what can
become an extended nightmare. Buying a computer starts by being
exciting but quickly becomes nerve-racking.
  Eventually, you'll get past that nerve-racking transition stage
and become thrilled.
  That painful transition is worth the effort if you plan to use
the computer a lot. But if you plan to use a computer just
occasionally, you might be better off not buying a computer at
all: continue doing your work manually.
  Promises Salespeople wanting you to buy fancy hardware or
software say ``it will be great'', but computer stuff never turns
out as good as promised.
  For example, there's the tale of the woman who was married
three times but remained a virgin. Her first husband, on his
wedding night, discovered he was impotent; her second husband, on
his wedding night, decided he was gay; and her third husband was
a computer salesman who spent the whole night saying how great it
was going to be.
  Moral: computer salemen make great promises but don't deliver.
  There's also the story of how a programmer died and came to the
gates of Heaven, guarded by St. Peter, who let the programmer
choose between Heaven and Hell. The programmer peeked at Heaven
and saw angels singing boring songs. He peeked at Hell and saw
wild orgies, so he chose Hell. Suddenly the wild orgies vanished,
and he was dragged to a chamber of eternal torture. When he asked
``What happened to the wild orgies?'', the devil replied ``Oh,
that was just the demo.''
  Moral: many wild technologies are enticing; but when you try
actually experiencing them, you have a devil of a time!
                                                    Periodicals
                                         To keep up-to-date about
computers, read newspapers and magazines. They contain the latest
computer news, criticize hardware and software, advise you on
what to buy, and include ads for the newest products, services,
and discount dealers.
                                         Some ads and articles
use technical computer jargon, which you'll understand by reading
this book.
                                         How to get periodicals
Visit your local computer stores and bookstores, and buy a copy
of each newspaper and magazine that interests you. (If you live
near Boston, you'll find many computer magazines in the kiosks in
the middle of Harvard Square. If you visit a chain of computer
stores called Comp USA, you'll find computer magazines there at
discounted prices. Your local branch of B. Dalton Bookseller is
another place to find lots of computer magazines.)
                                         After reading the
periodicals you bought ___ or borrowed from your local library
___ subscribe to the ones you like best.
                                         Most periodicals come
with a coupon that gives you a ``special'' discount off the
subscription price ``for new subscribers, if you hurry''. Don't
bother hurrying: the same discount is offered to practically
everybody every year. And next year, when you renew, you'll be
offered the same ``special'' discount, ``for our loyal readers,
if you hurry''.
                                         Shortly after you buy a
one-year subscription, you'll receive a dishonest letter from the
publisher warning that your subscription will ``run out soon''
and that ``if you renew now, you'll get a special discount''.
Don't believe the letter; ``run out soon'' usually means ``run
out eight months from now'', and ``if you renew now'' means ``if
you renew sometime within the eight months, or even later''. Feel
free to wait.
                                         How to read reviews Many
computer periodicals review the newest hardware and software, but
don't take the reviews too seriously: the typical review is
written by just one person and reflects just that individual's
opinion.
                                         Some reviewers are too
easy: they heap praise and say everything is ``excellent''. Other
reviewers are too demanding: they say everything is ``terrible''.
If one product gets a rave review, and a competing product gets a
scathing review, the reason might be the difference between the
reviewers rather than the difference between the products.
                                         Giant conglomerates Most
computer magazines and newspapers are published by two giant
conglomerates: Ziff and IDG.
                                         Ziff, based in
Manhattan, has for decades published magazines about many
hobbies. In 1982, when computers became a popular hobby, Ziff
began acquiring computer-magazine companies (such as Creative
Computing and PC Magazine) so that Ziff's become one of the
biggest computer publishers.
                                         IDG (based in
Framingham, Massachusetts) began publishing Computerworld in
1967. Later, it began publishing and buying up many other
computer periodicals around the world. Now IDG publishes 190
computer periodicals in 60 countries.
                                         Ziff and IDG have
declared war on each other. For example, IDG refuses to publish
articles by columnists who submit articles to Ziff. Each computer
columnist must choose between either being a Ziffer or an IDG'er.
                                         Mostly monthly Most
computer magazines are published monthly and let you buy
individual issues (for $2.95 or $3.95) or an annual subscription
(for between $20 and $30).
  Computer Shopper The fattest computer magazine is Computer
Shopper, formerly independent but now owned by Ziff. It's huge!
Each issue contains over 800 pages, and each page is oversized
(9½"x13").
  That's the magazine where all aggressive discount dealers
advertise. It's where you'll find the lowest prices. It contains
the wildest ads and articles, all uncensored. Since its editors
don't check the ads and articles for accuracy, treat their wild
claims as ``questions to pursue'' but not as ``facts to trust''.
  The articles are relentlessly upbeat; they never criticize. For
example, an article reviewing a lousy word processor raves about
how it's so much better than a typewriter; an article reviewing a
lousy 33-megahertz computer raves about how it's so much faster
than a 25-megahertz model.
  Browsing through Computer Shopper, you might see an ad bragging
that a product was declared ``Computer Shopper Best Buy of the
Year''. That praise sounds impressive ___ until you realize that
the judges were ``all the magazine subscribers who sent in
postcards'', and the award just meant the subscribers admired the
ad's low price and didn't necessarily try or even see the
product!
  PC Magazine The most respected magazine is Ziff's PC Magazine
because it's comprehensive, carefully edited, and its tone is
restrained. It comes out every two weeks.
  Alas, its editors assume the readers are rich enough to spend
$4,000 on a computer system. Its ``editor's choice'' for what to
buy usually costs more than most folks can afford. Its editorials
claim you're a primitive moron if you don't buy the hottest,
newest, most expensive personal computers invented this month.
  Frankly, dear, I don't give a damn if a company can make a
super-fast expensive computer. What I want is a reasonably fast
computer that I can afford! I'm put off by magazines that say,
``Here's something wonderful you can't afford.'' But us poor
folks read PC Magazine anyway to find out how the other half
live.
  Even if your company can afford a pricey computer system
recommended by PC Magazine, your office should probably buy two
cheap systems instead to make two employees happy.
  PC Magazine is famous for its blockbuster issues, such as its
November issue that compares all new printers. But do you really
want to read descriptions of 70 printers, 60 of which are no
good? I wish the magazine would give brief descriptions of the
bad 60 and longer descriptions of the good 10, but PC Magazine is
too even-handed.
  Alas, PC Magazine says nothing about rip-offs and other
complaints that consumers have about manufacturers, and it places
too much emphasis on boring business applications and not enough
on family fun & fascination.
  In short, PC Magazine represents the lifestyle of the rich and
boring. But its even-handed careful editing make it a respected
reference worth buying.
  PC World To compete against Ziff's PC Magazine, IDG publishes
PC World. It was started by the founder of PC Magazine ___ Dave
Bunnell ___ after he squabbled with Ziff.
  More human that PC Magazine, PC World includes a
consumer-complaint department that publishes complaints about
rip-offs and bad service. PC World also plays consumer advocate
and gets the baddies to change their ways and give refunds to
customers. When covering a topic such as printers, PC World
covers fewer models than PC Magazine but covers those models more
thoroughly and makes more comparisons between them.
  Whereas PC Magazine forgets to consider price, PC
forgets other factors. But to err is human.
                                         Easy magazines For folks
who find PC Magazine and PC World too difficult, Ziff invented PC
Computing, which is easier and includes great tutorials.
                                         An independent
publisher, Peed, puts out PC Today, which is even easier, and PC
Novice which is the easiest! PC Today and PC Novice are both very
brief.
                                         Byte The oldest popular
computer magazine is Byte. More technical than other popular
magazines, it digs deeper into issues about designing computer
hardware & software.
                                         Newest magazines After
starting PC Magazine and PC World, Dave Bunnell started a wilder
magazine, called New Media, devoted to computerized art, sounds,
and fun.
                                         An even wilder magazine
is a competitor called Wired, partly owned by Condé Nast
(publisher of Mademoiselle, Glamour, Vogue, and Self). It's
non-technical and espouses the grungy up-yours philosophy of
life. It even prints four-letter words. Since each issue of Wired
is wild, slick, and expensive, it's read by the hip rich, so it
includes ads for upscale consumer goods such as Jetta cars and
Absolut Vodka.
                                         Two new magazines that
are more traditional are Windows Magazine and Windows Sources.
                                         Non-IBM magazines If you
have a Mac, get Ziff's Mac User and IDG's Macworld. If you have
an Apple 2, get 2 Alive (6 times per year). If you have a
Commodore Amiga, get Amiga World.
                                         Weekly newspapers The
only weekly newspaper covering computers of all sizes (maxi,
mini, and micro) is Computerworld. It's published by IDG, which
also publishes Infoworld, a livelier newspaper that concentrates
on microcomputers. Infoworld's main competitors are Ziff's Mac
Week (which covers Mac computers) and Ziff's PC Week (which
covers the IBM PC and clones).
                                         Infoworld, Mac Week, and
PC Week are intended for computerists who buy lots of computers.
To subscribe, you complete application forms asking how many
computer purchases you make or influence yearly. If you answer
acceptably, you get the newspapers free; otherwise, you must pay
$125 per year for Mac Week, $130 per year for Infoworld, $195 per
year for PC Week. That method of distribution ___ ``specialists
get it free, idiots pay through the nose'' ___ is called
controlled circulation. It assures advertisers that the readers
are either influential or rich. Alas, it widens the gap between
the ``haves'' and the ``have-nots'': if you're a low-income
novice, this policy is guaranteed to ``keep you in your place'',
unless you're lucky enough to find those magazines in your local
library.
                                         Computer Currents IDG
publishes a monthly newspaper called Computer Currents and
distributes it free at selected newsstands in six regions (San
Francisco, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, and Boston).
Each region has its own edition, with its own local news and ads.
If you don't find one of the free newsstands, buy a subscription.
                                         Look at the back page In
many computer magazines and newspapers, the most fascinating
writing occurs on the back page.
                                         For example, the best
rumor-mongerer is Robert Cringely, on the back page of Infoworld.
The best humorists are Ron White (on the back page of Windows
Sources), Lincoln Spector (on the back page of Computer
Currents), and Rich Tennant (whose cartoons grace the back page
of Computer Currents and PC Magazine).
  List Here's an alphabetized list of the popular computer
periodicals.
Magazine  PublisherIssueYearEditorial officeToll free
Amiga WorldIDG    $3.95$30/$25NH603-924-9471800-365-1364
Byte      McGraw-Hill$3.50$30/$25NH603-924-9281800-257-9402
Computer CurrentsIDG$3.00$20/$0CA508-820-8118
Computer ShopperZiff$3.95$30/$22NY212-503-3900800-274-6384
ComputerworldIDG  $6.00$48/$40MA508-879-0700800-669-1002
Infoworld IDG     $3.95$130/$0CA415-572-7341
Mac User  Ziff    $2.95$27/$20CA415-378-5600800-627-2247
Mac Week  Ziff    $6.00$125/$0CA415-243-3500
Macworld  IDG     $3.95$30/$24CA415-546-7722800-524-3200
New Media Hypermedia$3.95$38/$0CA415-573-5170
PC ComputingZiff  $2.95$25/$17CA415-578-7000800-365-2770
PC MagazineZiff   $3.95$50/$35NY212-503-5255800-289-0429
PC Novice Peed    $2.95$24  NE  402-477-8900800-424-7900
PC Today  Peed    $2.95$24  NE  402-477-8900800-424-7900
PC Week   Ziff    $6.00$195/$0MA617-393-3700800-451-1032
PC World  IDG     $3.95$30/$20CA415-243-0500800-825-7595
Windows MagazineCMP$2.95$25/$17NY516-562-5948
Windows SourcesZiff$2.95$28/$20NY212-503-4144800-364-3414
Wired     Wired Ventures$4.95$40CA415-904-0660800-SO-WIRED
2 Alive   Quality Comp.$3.95$20MI313-774-7200800-777-3642
  That list shows each periodical's name, publisher, single-issue
price, one-year subscription price (with any discounted price
shown after a slash), editorial office's state and phone number,
and any toll-free number for ordering a subscription.
  Daily newspapers For today's news about the computer industry,
read the business section of your town's daily newspaper, or read
national newspapers such as The Wall Street Journal, USA Today,
and The New York Times. The computer articles in The Wall Street
Journal are excellent ___ especially Walter Mossberg's editorial
(on the first page of the Marketplace section on Thursdays).
  Every Tuesday, the Science section of The New York Times
contains ads from New York's most aggressive discount dealers. It
makes bargain hunters drool, but beware of dealers who are shady!

                Discount dealers
  In computer magazines and newspapers, you'll see many ads
offering big discounts. And if you buy from a dealer who isn't in
your state, the dealer won't charge you sales tax.
  Discount dealers change prices every month. Instead of asking
them for catalogs (which might be out of date), examine their
most recent ads. Then phone to confirm the prices. Usually,
prices go down every month, but sometimes they rise.
  Before buying, ask whether the product's in stock, how long the
dealer will take to fill your order, and how it will be shipped.
Ask what the dealer charges for shipping: many dealers
overcharge! Ask whether there's a surcharge for using a credit
card. Since products are improved often, make sure the dealer is
selling you the newest version.
  If the product you get is defective, the dealer or manufacturer
will fix or replace it. But if the product is merely
``disappointing'' or doesn't do what you expected or isn't
compatible with the rest of your computer system, tough luck!
Many discount dealers say ``all sales are final.'' Other dealers
let you return computers but not printers, monitors, or software.
Some dealers let you return products but charge you a
``restocking fee'', which can be up to 25% of the purchase price!
  So before you buy, ask questions about the product's abilities
to make sure it will do what you expect. Tell the dealer what
hardware and software you own, and ask the dealer whether the
product's compatible with your system.
  The typical product comes in a cardboard box. On the back of
the box (or on some other side), you'll usually see a list of the
system requirements. That's a list of what hardware and software
you must already own to make that product work with your
computer.
  Use your credit card Pay by credit card rather than a check. If
you pay by credit card and have an unresolved complaint about
what you bought, Federal laws say that the credit-card company
can't bill you! Moreover, if the mail-order company takes your
money, spends it, and then goes bankrupt before shipping your
goods, the credit-card company gets stuck, not you!
  The nicest credit cards (such as Citibank's) double the
manufacturer's warranty, so a ``one-year warranty'' becomes a
two-year warranty! Does your credit card give you that warranty
extension? Ask your bank!
                                                     What's
missing? When buying computer equipment, find out what the
advertised price does not include.
                                                     For example,
the advertised price for a ``complete computer system'' might not
include the screen. Ask! In a typical printer ad, the price does
not include the cable that goes from the printer to your
computer.
                                                     Read the
fine print When reading an ad, make sure you read the fine print
at the bottom of the ad. It contains many disclaimers, which
admit that the deal you'll be getting isn't quite as good as the
rest of the ad implies.
                                                     In the
middle of an ad, next to an exciting price or feature or
warranty, you'll often see an asterisk (*). The asterisk means:
``for details, read the fine print at the bottom of the ad''.
That fine print contains disclaimers that will disappoint you. In
long multi-page ads, the fine print is often buried at the bottom
of just one of the ad's pages, far away from the page where the
asterisk appeared, in the hope that you won't notice the fine
print.
                                                     So if you
see what looks like a great deal, but the deal has an asterisk
next to it, the asterisk means ``the deal is not really as great
as we imply''.
                                                     Many
computer ads contain this fine print. . . .
``Monitor optional'' means this price does NOT include a monitor.
The monitor costs extra, even though the ad shows a photo of a
computer with a monitor.

``Monitor/keyboard optional'' means this price doesn't include a
monitor and doesn't even include a keyboard. The monitor and
keyboard cost extra.

``Upgrade price'' means you get this price just if you already
own an older version of this stuff.

``With system purchase'' means you get this price just if you're
stupid enough to also buy our overpriced full computer system at
the same time.

``Reflects cash discount'' means you get this price just if
you're stupid enough to pay cash instead of using a credit card.
(By paying cash, you can't complain to a credit-card company if
we rip you off.) If you use a credit card, we'll charge you about
3% above the advertised price.

``Includes rebate'' means you must pay us more, then request a
rebate from the manufacturer. (You'll probably never get that
rebate, since you'll forget to ask us for the rebate form, or
you'll forget to mail the rebate form to the manufacturer, or the
rebate form will have already expired, or you'll lose the receipt
or code number you must mail with the rebate form to get the
rebate.)

``Manufacturer's warranty'' means that if the stuff breaks, don't
ask us for help. Phone the original manufacturer instead (who
will probably ignore you).

``Factory serviced'' means another customer bought this stuff,
didn't like it, and returned it to the factory, which examined it
and thinks it's good enough to resell (after jiggling it a bit),
so now we're sticking YOU with this lemon.
``For in-stock items'' means that although we said we'd ship
immediately, we won't if you order stuff that's not yet in our
warehouse.

``25% restocking fee'' means that if you return this stuff, we
won't give you your money back. Instead, we'll keep 25% of your
money (as a restocking fee) and return just 75% to you.
  CDW versus PC Connection Back in the 1980's, two big mail-order
dealers set the tone for the rest of the discount industry. Those
dealers were Telemart and PC Connection.
  When Telemart went bankrupt in 1993, its assets were sold to
Computer Discount Warehouse (CDW), which has continued Telemart's
tradition of low prices and wide selection. Phone CDW in Illinois
at 800-500-4CDW (for Mac goodies) or 800-454-4CDW (for
IBM-compatible goodies).
  PC Connection has the best reputation for service because it
processes orders fast, charges little for shipping, handles
hassle orders promptly and generously, and gives technical help
on a toll-free 800 number. It's in the tiny town of Marlow, New
Hampshire (population 566, with a main street consisting mainly
of a gas station). It began in a barn, then expanded to fill the
inn across the street. Drop in anytime, enjoy the small-town
friendliness, and wave to the 150 employees. Adventurers who've
trekked to Marlow rave that it's quaint, friendly, and beautiful.
  PC Connection's divisions PC Connection has two divisions: IBM
and Mac.
  The IBM division advertises in PC World (phone [phone] or
603-446-0003) and PC Magazine (phone [phone] or
603-446-0004). The Mac division calls itself Mac Connection in
Macworld (phone [phone] or 603-446-3333) and Mac User (phone
800-800-4444 or 603-446-4444). You can use the 800 numbers even
if you're in Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands, and
Canada.
  Each division sells mostly software but also some hardware
(printers, disk drives, monitors, and chips to add to your
computer). If you don't have a computer yet, the IBM division
will sell you a Compaq; the Mac division will tell you to buy a
Mac from your local Apple dealer (since Apple prohibits
mail-order dealers from selling Macs).
  Each division works round-the-clock, 24 hours daily (except
Sunday evening and early Monday morning). Your order's shipped
immediately, even if you've paid by check. (Checks are cleared in
less than a day.) Your order's shipped by Airborne overnight
express so it reaches you the next day; if you order between
12:01AM and 3:15AM Eastern Time, you'll usually receive your
order the same day (because the company built a warehouse next to
Airborne's airport in Ohio).
  The IBM division is nice; the Mac division is even nicer. For
USA shipping, the IBM division charges just $5, even if your
order is big; the Mac division charges just $3. The IBM
division's toll-free number is usually busy; the Mac division's
toll-free number usually gets you a sales rep immediately. The
IBM division offers fairly low prices (but not as low as other
discount dealers); the Mac division offers rock-bottom prices,
lower than almost any other Mac dealer.
  Big competitors The competitor that PC Connection fears the
most is New Jersey's Micro Warehouse, which offers a greater
variety of hardware and software, often at lower prices
(especially for IBM-compatible goodies). Unfortunately, Micro
Warehouse gives less technical help and sometimes has delays in
shipping.
  Like PC Connection, Micro Warehouse has two divisions. For the
IBM division, phone [phone] or 908-905-5245. For the Mac
division (which is called Mac Warehouse),
phone [phone] or 908-367-0440.
                                         Another competitor is
Washington State's Multiple Zones. Like Micro Warehouse, it
offers low prices on IBM and Mac goodies. Its IBM division, PC
Zone, is at 800-258-2088. The Mac division, Mac Zone, is at
800-248-0800. For international calls to either division, phone
206-883-3088.
                                         Cheap giants The biggest
discounters offering IBM-compatible hardware cheap are Insight
and USA Flex. They usually charge less than PC Connection, Micro
Warehouse, and PC Zone. Insight also advertises software; USA
Flex does not. Insight offers the greatest variety of disk
drives; USA Flex offers a greater variety of printers and
monitors.
                                         They advertise in
Computer Shopper. USA Flex is on the back cover and all the back
pages; Insight is in the middle.
                                         Insight's ads often
contain wrong prices, and Insight's order-takers often make
mistakes, but Insight is willing to handle any complaints.
                                         USA Flex is in Illinois
at 800-944-5599. Insight is in Arizona at 800-488-0004 or
602-902-1176.
                                         Midwest Micro is the
biggest source of printers. Computer Shopper's biggest
advertiser, it runs 60 full-page ads in each issue! Selling even
more printers than USA Flex, it also sells modems and computers.
Its notebook computers include more features at lower prices than
any competitors. Phone Midwest Micro in Ohio: 800-572-8844 for
computers, 800-972-8822 for printers & modems & parts.
                                         Discounts from retail
stores If you need hardware or software fast and can't wait for
mail-order dealers to ship, go to the local computer stores that
advertise in the business section of your local newspaper.
                                         To encourage a store to
give you a discount, mention low prices from competitors and
agree to buy many items at once. Say that if you don't get a
discount, you'll shop elsewhere. Many stores do price-matching:
they'll match the price of any other local store, though not the
prices of mail-order dealers. Some stores let salespeople give
10% discounts, which are subtracted from the salesperson's
commission.
                                         IBM and Apple give
educational discounts to schools, teachers, and some college
students. To find out whether you can get educational discounts,
ask your school's administrators and your town's computer stores.
                                         Superstores For low
prices, visit a chain of gigantic superstores called Comp USA,
which was formerly called Soft Warehouse. It's based in Dallas
but has spread to 75 other cities in 26 states. (For example, its
New York City store is at 420 5th Ave., 212-764-6224.) To find
the Comp USA store nearest you, phone 800-COMP-USA. You can phone
day or night, 24 hours, and use that number to order computer
goodies or a free catalog.
                                         For software and
Hewlett-Packard printers, Comp USA charges less than most other
stores and mail-order dealers. For other printers and
accessories, Comp USA's prices aren't as aggressive: you'll pay
less at a competing superstore chain called Staples (which sells
computers and also general office supplies). But Comp USA offers
a greater variety of computer products than Staples, and Comp
USA's salespeople are more knowledgeable and helpful.
                                         Unfortunately, Comp USA
handles repairs slowly (you must wait about a week), and Comp
USA's prices for most hardware are slightly above other
discounters. To get an IBM clone cheaply, buy elsewhere. To buy a
Mac, try Staples, which has a very limited selection of Macs but
great prices!
                                         The other big chain of
computer superstores is Computer City, secretly owned by Tandy.
Like Comp USA, Computer
City sells IBM clones and Macs, at prices far below Tandy's Radio
Shack stores.
  Another computer-superstore chain is Micro Center, with just 8
superstores so far (in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Georgia, and
Southern California).
  Salespeople at Computer City and Micro Center are usually more
knowledgeable than at Comp USA and make customers happier. But in
cities where those chains compete against each other, Comp USA
lowers its prices to undercut those competitors. Comp USA puts up
signs comparing prices and showing how much you save by shopping
at Comp USA instead of Computer City or Micro Center.
  In California's Silicon Valley, visit a chain of superstores
called Fry's Electronics, which has been a local favorite for
many years. In New York City, visit a superstore called J&R
Computer World, which is near Wall Street (15 Park Row, New York
City NY 10038, 800-221-8180 or 212-238-9000).
  Bagel boys Four discount dealers in New York City are called
the bagel boys, because most of their employees are Jewish men
who like to eat bagels. Many of those men are Hassidic Jews, an
ultra-traditional sect who wear black suits, black coats, black
hats, and beards. For the Jewish Sabbath, they close on Friday
afternoon, stay shut on Saturday, and reopen on Sunday.
  Those dealers sold cameras and other photography equipment,
then started selling computer hardware also, plus a little
software. They offer especially low prices on printers, monitors,
modems, and famous notebook computers.
  Here's how to reach them:
S&W Computers & Electronics, 31 W. 21st St.800-874-1235 212-463-8330
47th Street Photo, 115 W. 45th St.800-235-5016 718-722-4750
Tri State Computer, 650 6th Ave. (at 20th St.)800-433-5199 212-633-2530
Harmony Computers, 1801 Flatbush Ave. B'klyn800-441-1144 718-692-3232
  If you phone Tri State computer, ask for David Rohinsky at
extension 223. He'll treat you extra-nice.
  Those four stores accept both walk-ins and mail-order. Except
for Harmony, they all advertise in the Science section of the The
New York Times each Tuesday. Except for 47th St. Photo, they all
advertise in Computer Shopper.
  Since they offer rock-bottom prices and deliver fast, I often
buy there. But they have these drawbacks. . . .
Their tech-support staffs are too small. You'll get faster
repairs elsewhere.

They often buy overstocked items from other dealers and resell
them; but since those items have changed hands, the
manufacturer's ``limited warranty'' on those items is no longer
valid.

Though reputable now, their past has been murky. In 1994, the
biggest software company (Microsoft) sued Harmony for
distributing software improperly. During the 1980's, Tri State
advertised printers at low prices but honored those prices just
if you overpaid for the printer's cable. Most of those companies
removed supplies & programs from the boxes of printers &
computers they sold and charged extra to put the goodies back in.
  Egghead Discount Software is a chain of stores giving discounts
on software for the IBM PC and Mac. Egghead's prices are nearly
as low as Comp USA's, and Egghead often runs special sales that
drive prices even lower. To find the Egghead store nearest you,
dial Egghead's headquarters in Washington State at 800-EGGHEAD.
  Egghead is nutty, funny, and friendly. The chain's mascot is
Professor Egghead, who's a cross between a balding Albert
Einstein and a hairy egg. He brags the software is eggciting,
eggzotic, eggstraordinary, and intelleggtual with many
eggcoutrements and eggcessories, sold by eggsperts who eggsplain
it all and give eggzibitions that are eggstravaganzas.
  Egghead sells business, educational, artistic, and fun software
for the IBM PC and Mac. Egghead's customers like
the low prices, wide selection, humorous friendliness, and
permission to try software in the store before buying it. If you
find a local competing store offering a lower price, Egghead will
match that price and even charge you $1 less.
                                         Surplus Software A
discount dealer called Surplus Software sells old versions of
excellent IBM-compatible software at very low prices: often
$19.95! It also sells new versions cheaper than most other
mail-order dealers. Phone Surplus Software in Oregon at
800-753-7877 or 503-386-1375.
                                         Even if you want the
newest software, your best bet's often to buy an old version from
Surplus Software and then use that purchase as an excuse to get
the special ``upgrade price'' on the new version. The old
version's price plus the upgrade price is usually less than the
price of buying the new version directly.
                                         Computer shows Another
way to find low prices is at a computer show. The lowest prices
are at small shows called flea markets or swap meets. Many
vendors at shows offer discounts, especially during the show's
last three hours. When you buy at a show, jot down the vendor's
name, address, and phone number, in case the goods don't work.
                                         Beware: many vendors at
those shows are like gypsies, traveling from show to show and
hard to reach if you have a complaint. Many sell computers
containing illegal copies of software that was never paid for and
whose instruction manuals are missing. Make sure any software you
buy comes with an official instruction manual (published by the
company that invented the software), not just a book from a
bookstore.
                                         Used computers Instead
of buying a new computer, you can sometimes save money by getting
a used one.
                                         The oldest source of
used microcomputers is The Boston Computer Exchange (phone
800-262-6399 or 617-542-4414). It gives free info, by phone,
about 1000 used computers you can buy. For more thorough info,
get a copy of the complete 1000-computer Master List by sending
the exchange $10.
                                         The Exchange has no
computers in stock. It's just a broker that passes info between
buyers and sellers. The Exchange charges a seller $25 to be
listed and get advice about what to charge. If a sale occurs, the
seller must also pay the Exchange a 15% commission. The buyer
pays the exchange nothing ___ unless the buyer wants a copy of
the Master List.
                                         Problem: should the
buyer begin by mailing a check to the seller and hope the seller
ships the computer? Or should the seller ship the computer first
and hope the buyer pays for it?
                                         Solution: to protect
both the buyer and the seller against getting stiffed, the
Exchange has the buyer first mail a check to the Exchange. When
the Exchange receives the check, it tells the seller to mail the
computer to the buyer. When the buyer receives the computer, the
Exchange mails a check (minus the 15% fee) to the seller.
                                         If the seller neglects
to mail the computer, the Exchange refunds the check to the
buyer. If the seller mails the computer but the buyer dislikes
it, the Exchange talks with both parties to reach a compromise.
                                         For an even better deal,
try the National Computer Exchange (NaComEx) in New York
(800-NaComEx or 212-614-0700). It charges the seller a 15%
commission but just a $15 listing fee (instead of $25). If the
computer costs under $334, NaComEx charges the seller a $50
commission (instead of 15%), whereas the Boston Computer Exchange
refuses to handle cheap stuff at all.
                                         Another used-computer
broker is Atlanta's American Computer Exchange (800-786-0717 or
404-250-0050).
                                         New computers cheap On
page 72, I'll explain the best way to buy a complete new IBM
clone cheaply.